Dracula (the 10 minute play)
This play is in the public Domain.
Narrator sits in fancy chair. Enter John.
Narrator: Hello children today I will tell you the story of Bram Stoker's Dracula. Long ago in 1890 right over in Transylvania an oblivious dolt named Jonathan Harker
John: HEY!
Narrator: who goes off to make a real-estate deal with Count Dracula. Despite the warnings of multiple locals telling him it's a bad idea.
Enter Local
Local: It's a bad idea!
John: I'll be fine.
Local: At least take this Crucifix.
John: No thanks I am a protestant.
Exit Local and Enter Dracula
Dracula: Ah Nice to Eat you, I mean meet you.
John: Pleased to meet you too.
Narrator: As you can see John has no idea that he has no idea that he's in a gothic horror story.
John: Here you go count just sign this lease and we can get you your new house in London.
Dracula: Here you go and also can I start sending these thirteen boxes of dirt to my new house.
John: Sure I guess.
Dracula: Hey how about you stay at my castle for the night.
John: That's fine by me.
Exit Dracula
Narrator: And so Dracula lead John to his room and as he was about to get situated for the night suddenly some sexy vampire gypsy brides walk in and try to "seduce" him.
Enter Sexy Vampire Gypsy Brides
Sexy Vampire Gypsy Bride: Come on, just one kiss on the neck.
Enter Dracula dramatically.
Dracula: Back off he's mine!
Vampires and John Exit.
Narrator: Jonathan then tries to escape the castle. But enough about him and that exciting scene lets go to London to catch up on his fiancee and her best friend Lucy.
Enter Lucy and Mina
Lucy: Oh, Mina what am I to do all these men love me but I can't seem to decide.
Mina: Well, Lucy that sure does seem to be a problem.
Lucy: Oh look here comes one of them now.
Enter Dr. Seward
Dr. Seward: Hello Lucy, my you look lovely, will you marry me, I have a stable pay working at the local insane asylum.
Lucy: Sorry Dr. Seward but no.
Enter Quincy
Quincy: Hello Lucy, you sure are mighty perty, will you marry, I have plenty of land in Texas.
Narrator: Let it be known that in the original book Quincy sounds nothing like an actual Texan.
Lucy: Sorry, Quincy but no.
Enter Lord Goldaming
Lord Goldaming: Hello Lucy, I'm rich, will you marry me?
Narrator: So of course she says-
Lucy: Yes Arthur, I will.
Narrator: Oddly enough the other men aren't bitter about losing out to Arthur.
Quincy: Well, shucks I guess you deserve her after all.
Dr. Seward: Well played Arthur.
All Exit except Narrator.
Narrator: Meanwhile on a mysterious ghost ship.
Enter the Captain and Dracula.
Captain: Oh my sure is a tough storm out here, I wonder why my entire crew is dead.
Dracula: I think I can explain that.
Dracula kills Captain.
Captain: I'm dying, better write an extensive letter explaining the current situation rather than actually try to solve the problem.
Exit Dracula and Captain.
Narrator: And then the ship crashes somewhere off the coast of Liverpool. Meanwhile back in London Lucy contracts Victorian fainting woman disease also known as syphilis.
Enter Lucy and Lord Goldaming
Lucy: Oh no I'm fainting and dying.
Lord Goldaming: Oh no we need help. Dr Seward please come immediately.
Dr. Seward: Okay, I know what we must do, she must have a blood transfusion.
Narrator: Mind you, no one at the time was aware of blood types so it's a miracle that Lucy is a universal receiver. And so Arthur gives his blood and Lucy feels better and then gets worse. So Quincy gives his blood and Lucy feels better and then gets worse. And finnally Dr. Seweard gives blood to Lucy and it works but the it doesn't you know the drill. So the five friends gather together to figure out what to do.
Enter Quincy and Mina
Mina: This is strange I just received these letter from my Fiancee and he described some women who were acting very similarly to Lucy.
Arthur: I can't believe that these people are saying that my wife has been sleep walking in the middle of the night and biting children.
Narrator: That really has been happening.
Dr. Seward: Well good news my old mentor from Germany is on his way, he should be able to help us.
Enter Van Helsing.
Van Helsing: Did somevone say German!
Canned applause.
Dr. Seward: Professor Van Helsing you're here!
Van Helsing: Now I heard about what ailes poor miss Murray. So here have some Garlic flowers.
Lucy: Thank you?
Van Helsing: What ever you do don't lose these Garlic flowers.
Exit all except Lucy and Narrator.
Narrator: Later that night.
Enter Lucy's mom as Lucy sleeps.
Mom: Ugh I hate garlic flowers.
Exit Lucy's Mom with the garlic flowers. Enter Dracula.
Dracula: Well sorry Lucy but time to die!
Dracula kills Lucy. Dracula Exits
Narrator: And with the death of Lucy the men all think she has fallen to victorian fainting disease. But Van Helsing and Mina aren't so sure.
Enter, Lord Goldaming, Dr. Seward, Quincy, Mina, and Van Helsing.
Dr. Seward: She looks so peaceful, though more pail than the average corpse.
Van Helsing suddenly dawns a grimace.
Quincy: Hey what do ya recon that them two bite on her neck are about?
Van Helsing suddenly dawns an even bigger grimace.
Lord Goldaming: Yeah that's about as strange as when her teeth started getting sharper. Probably just a fashion thing.
Van Helsing suddenly dawns an even bigger grimace.
Van Helsing: MEIN GOTT! Are you all blind or stupid! Mina meet me at the university and bring the letters from your husband. Also this garlic needs to stay in Lucy's Coffin.
Exit Lucy, Dr. Seweard, Lord Goldaming, and Quincy.
Narrator: And so Mina and Van Helsing began to discuss the similarities between the two current cases. Please remember this scene it will be important later.
Mina: Professor, I'm not sure what all of this is about but if I'm correct in my thinking the things that attacked John are the same thing that killed Lucy.
Van Helsing: Not just the same thing but the exact same creature.
Mina: You mean to tell me that the Count is one of the creatures.
Van Helsing: Yes, and that your husband unintentionally brought him to England.
Mina: So what exactly kills these Vampires.
Van Helsing: Any sort of stab to the heart. You also then need to put garlic or a holy object in with the corpse other wise they'll just resurrect.
Mina: What can they do?
Van Helsing: Remember how those blood transfusion helped Lucy's health?
Mina: Yes, wait a minute, you're telling me that they can regain health and youth as they kill and drink blood.
Van Helsing: Yes, that's only one of their many abilities.
Narrator: I'll spare you the details just know that Vampires can also turn into mist, wolves, and bats but only night, during the day they lose their powers.
Mina: Well looks like we have got some revenge, for Lucy and for John.
Enter John
John: MINA!
Mina: John you're alive.
John: You will not believe what I've been through.
Mina: Vampires?
John: How'd you know?
Van Helsing: Mr. Harker your Fiancee is a model for vomanhood, she's intelligent smart brave any man should look up to her.
John:Who are you?
Van Helsing: Vhere are my manors, I'm Abraham Van Helsing, I'm Dr. Sewards old mentor.
John: Well professor after I was trying to escape the castle I daringly jumped down onto-
Narrator: Yeah gonna stop you there we don't really care about your amazing epic adventure to get back to England. Also remember what Van Helsing said about Mina it will be important in this next scene.
Enter Quincy, Dr. Seward, and Lord Goldaming.
Van Helsing: Gentle Men I brought you hear to tell you that Vampires are plaguing London
Dr. Seward: As a man of science you must back up your claim with evidence.
Van Helsing: You cannot just show empirical evidence of vampires you must take it on faith! Now men we must all go to Lucy's crypt, except Mina because she lacks the strong heart of a man.
Narrator: Wait, I'm sorry I just got whiplash from that. I thought Mina was exemplarily of womanhood. What happened? Did the editor just go-
Enter Editor
Editor: This novel is too progressive, I demand that there be more scenes of Mina being demonized for being a woman.
Exit Editor
Narrator: I'm not making this up this actually happens in the novel. So the men go off to Lucy's crypt and in my version Mina tags along because she doesn't care what the men think.
Enter Lucy now a vampire.
Van Helsing: There she is Lucy now a vampire.
Narrator: Wait another minute, Van Helsing said that vampires had to be take on faith, BUT THIS IS EVIDENCE OF VAMPIRES! IT IS A VAMPIRE DOING VAMPIRE THINGS! Whatever the men kill Lucy and then Dracula shows up.
Enter Dracula and then takes Mina hostage.
Dracula: Ha! Ha! Now I will bite Mina.
John: Oh no you don't.
John and Dracula fight.
Dracula: You may have defeated me but Mina has now drank my blood, I now can see through her eyes.
Exit Dracula
John: Mina are you okay.
Mina: Yes I'm fine but I think I, I see Dracula.
Everyone Gasps.
Narrator: That's right folks! Mina now has psychic powers, and so the race is on to find and kill Dracula.
Chase scene breaks out.
Narrator: But it's not as simple as it sounds they need to find the thirteen boxes of dirt hidden across Europe and bless them in order to fully destroy Draculas soul. This takes a long time but is largely skipped over in the novel. Until they finally get back to Transylvania.
Enter all of the men and Mina.
Lord Goldaming: Who'd a thought that the last box of dirt would be in his base of operations.
Quincy: I would've never guessed.
Van Helsing: Mein Gott. I'm surrounded by idiots.
Enter Dracula
Dracula: You'll never kill me!
Quincy: We'll see about!
Dracula and Quincy fight off stage. Dracula comes back with a bowie knife sticking out of his chest and then dies. Quincy is slowly dying. Everyone gathers around him.
Quincy: It's over...
Narrator:And so seven years have passed. John and Mina finally got married and now have a kid who they named Quincy. And Dr. Seward, and Lord Goldaming are also happily married. To women. Not each other. Yeah I misread that last sentence as well. So yeah... The End.
Narrator sits in fancy chair. Enter John.
Narrator: Hello children today I will tell you the story of Bram Stoker's Dracula. Long ago in 1890 right over in Transylvania an oblivious dolt named Jonathan Harker
John: HEY!
Narrator: who goes off to make a real-estate deal with Count Dracula. Despite the warnings of multiple locals telling him it's a bad idea.
Enter Local
Local: It's a bad idea!
John: I'll be fine.
Local: At least take this Crucifix.
John: No thanks I am a protestant.
Exit Local and Enter Dracula
Dracula: Ah Nice to Eat you, I mean meet you.
John: Pleased to meet you too.
Narrator: As you can see John has no idea that he has no idea that he's in a gothic horror story.
John: Here you go count just sign this lease and we can get you your new house in London.
Dracula: Here you go and also can I start sending these thirteen boxes of dirt to my new house.
John: Sure I guess.
Dracula: Hey how about you stay at my castle for the night.
John: That's fine by me.
Exit Dracula
Narrator: And so Dracula lead John to his room and as he was about to get situated for the night suddenly some sexy vampire gypsy brides walk in and try to "seduce" him.
Enter Sexy Vampire Gypsy Brides
Sexy Vampire Gypsy Bride: Come on, just one kiss on the neck.
Enter Dracula dramatically.
Dracula: Back off he's mine!
Vampires and John Exit.
Narrator: Jonathan then tries to escape the castle. But enough about him and that exciting scene lets go to London to catch up on his fiancee and her best friend Lucy.
Enter Lucy and Mina
Lucy: Oh, Mina what am I to do all these men love me but I can't seem to decide.
Mina: Well, Lucy that sure does seem to be a problem.
Lucy: Oh look here comes one of them now.
Enter Dr. Seward
Dr. Seward: Hello Lucy, my you look lovely, will you marry me, I have a stable pay working at the local insane asylum.
Lucy: Sorry Dr. Seward but no.
Enter Quincy
Quincy: Hello Lucy, you sure are mighty perty, will you marry, I have plenty of land in Texas.
Narrator: Let it be known that in the original book Quincy sounds nothing like an actual Texan.
Lucy: Sorry, Quincy but no.
Enter Lord Goldaming
Lord Goldaming: Hello Lucy, I'm rich, will you marry me?
Narrator: So of course she says-
Lucy: Yes Arthur, I will.
Narrator: Oddly enough the other men aren't bitter about losing out to Arthur.
Quincy: Well, shucks I guess you deserve her after all.
Dr. Seward: Well played Arthur.
All Exit except Narrator.
Narrator: Meanwhile on a mysterious ghost ship.
Enter the Captain and Dracula.
Captain: Oh my sure is a tough storm out here, I wonder why my entire crew is dead.
Dracula: I think I can explain that.
Dracula kills Captain.
Captain: I'm dying, better write an extensive letter explaining the current situation rather than actually try to solve the problem.
Exit Dracula and Captain.
Narrator: And then the ship crashes somewhere off the coast of Liverpool. Meanwhile back in London Lucy contracts Victorian fainting woman disease also known as syphilis.
Enter Lucy and Lord Goldaming
Lucy: Oh no I'm fainting and dying.
Lord Goldaming: Oh no we need help. Dr Seward please come immediately.
Dr. Seward: Okay, I know what we must do, she must have a blood transfusion.
Narrator: Mind you, no one at the time was aware of blood types so it's a miracle that Lucy is a universal receiver. And so Arthur gives his blood and Lucy feels better and then gets worse. So Quincy gives his blood and Lucy feels better and then gets worse. And finnally Dr. Seweard gives blood to Lucy and it works but the it doesn't you know the drill. So the five friends gather together to figure out what to do.
Enter Quincy and Mina
Mina: This is strange I just received these letter from my Fiancee and he described some women who were acting very similarly to Lucy.
Arthur: I can't believe that these people are saying that my wife has been sleep walking in the middle of the night and biting children.
Narrator: That really has been happening.
Dr. Seward: Well good news my old mentor from Germany is on his way, he should be able to help us.
Enter Van Helsing.
Van Helsing: Did somevone say German!
Canned applause.
Dr. Seward: Professor Van Helsing you're here!
Van Helsing: Now I heard about what ailes poor miss Murray. So here have some Garlic flowers.
Lucy: Thank you?
Van Helsing: What ever you do don't lose these Garlic flowers.
Exit all except Lucy and Narrator.
Narrator: Later that night.
Enter Lucy's mom as Lucy sleeps.
Mom: Ugh I hate garlic flowers.
Exit Lucy's Mom with the garlic flowers. Enter Dracula.
Dracula: Well sorry Lucy but time to die!
Dracula kills Lucy. Dracula Exits
Narrator: And with the death of Lucy the men all think she has fallen to victorian fainting disease. But Van Helsing and Mina aren't so sure.
Enter, Lord Goldaming, Dr. Seward, Quincy, Mina, and Van Helsing.
Dr. Seward: She looks so peaceful, though more pail than the average corpse.
Van Helsing suddenly dawns a grimace.
Quincy: Hey what do ya recon that them two bite on her neck are about?
Van Helsing suddenly dawns an even bigger grimace.
Lord Goldaming: Yeah that's about as strange as when her teeth started getting sharper. Probably just a fashion thing.
Van Helsing suddenly dawns an even bigger grimace.
Van Helsing: MEIN GOTT! Are you all blind or stupid! Mina meet me at the university and bring the letters from your husband. Also this garlic needs to stay in Lucy's Coffin.
Exit Lucy, Dr. Seweard, Lord Goldaming, and Quincy.
Narrator: And so Mina and Van Helsing began to discuss the similarities between the two current cases. Please remember this scene it will be important later.
Mina: Professor, I'm not sure what all of this is about but if I'm correct in my thinking the things that attacked John are the same thing that killed Lucy.
Van Helsing: Not just the same thing but the exact same creature.
Mina: You mean to tell me that the Count is one of the creatures.
Van Helsing: Yes, and that your husband unintentionally brought him to England.
Mina: So what exactly kills these Vampires.
Van Helsing: Any sort of stab to the heart. You also then need to put garlic or a holy object in with the corpse other wise they'll just resurrect.
Mina: What can they do?
Van Helsing: Remember how those blood transfusion helped Lucy's health?
Mina: Yes, wait a minute, you're telling me that they can regain health and youth as they kill and drink blood.
Van Helsing: Yes, that's only one of their many abilities.
Narrator: I'll spare you the details just know that Vampires can also turn into mist, wolves, and bats but only night, during the day they lose their powers.
Mina: Well looks like we have got some revenge, for Lucy and for John.
Enter John
John: MINA!
Mina: John you're alive.
John: You will not believe what I've been through.
Mina: Vampires?
John: How'd you know?
Van Helsing: Mr. Harker your Fiancee is a model for vomanhood, she's intelligent smart brave any man should look up to her.
John:Who are you?
Van Helsing: Vhere are my manors, I'm Abraham Van Helsing, I'm Dr. Sewards old mentor.
John: Well professor after I was trying to escape the castle I daringly jumped down onto-
Narrator: Yeah gonna stop you there we don't really care about your amazing epic adventure to get back to England. Also remember what Van Helsing said about Mina it will be important in this next scene.
Enter Quincy, Dr. Seward, and Lord Goldaming.
Van Helsing: Gentle Men I brought you hear to tell you that Vampires are plaguing London
Dr. Seward: As a man of science you must back up your claim with evidence.
Van Helsing: You cannot just show empirical evidence of vampires you must take it on faith! Now men we must all go to Lucy's crypt, except Mina because she lacks the strong heart of a man.
Narrator: Wait, I'm sorry I just got whiplash from that. I thought Mina was exemplarily of womanhood. What happened? Did the editor just go-
Enter Editor
Editor: This novel is too progressive, I demand that there be more scenes of Mina being demonized for being a woman.
Exit Editor
Narrator: I'm not making this up this actually happens in the novel. So the men go off to Lucy's crypt and in my version Mina tags along because she doesn't care what the men think.
Enter Lucy now a vampire.
Van Helsing: There she is Lucy now a vampire.
Narrator: Wait another minute, Van Helsing said that vampires had to be take on faith, BUT THIS IS EVIDENCE OF VAMPIRES! IT IS A VAMPIRE DOING VAMPIRE THINGS! Whatever the men kill Lucy and then Dracula shows up.
Enter Dracula and then takes Mina hostage.
Dracula: Ha! Ha! Now I will bite Mina.
John: Oh no you don't.
John and Dracula fight.
Dracula: You may have defeated me but Mina has now drank my blood, I now can see through her eyes.
Exit Dracula
John: Mina are you okay.
Mina: Yes I'm fine but I think I, I see Dracula.
Everyone Gasps.
Narrator: That's right folks! Mina now has psychic powers, and so the race is on to find and kill Dracula.
Chase scene breaks out.
Narrator: But it's not as simple as it sounds they need to find the thirteen boxes of dirt hidden across Europe and bless them in order to fully destroy Draculas soul. This takes a long time but is largely skipped over in the novel. Until they finally get back to Transylvania.
Enter all of the men and Mina.
Lord Goldaming: Who'd a thought that the last box of dirt would be in his base of operations.
Quincy: I would've never guessed.
Van Helsing: Mein Gott. I'm surrounded by idiots.
Enter Dracula
Dracula: You'll never kill me!
Quincy: We'll see about!
Dracula and Quincy fight off stage. Dracula comes back with a bowie knife sticking out of his chest and then dies. Quincy is slowly dying. Everyone gathers around him.
Quincy: It's over...
Narrator:And so seven years have passed. John and Mina finally got married and now have a kid who they named Quincy. And Dr. Seward, and Lord Goldaming are also happily married. To women. Not each other. Yeah I misread that last sentence as well. So yeah... The End.
This was to make up for last Thursday...
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