Charoltte's Waffle House

This song is called Charlotte's Waffle House
It's about a play with Charlotte and a Waffle House
But Charlotte's Waffle House was not the name of the play it's just the name of the song.
And this song is not Alice's Restaurant either
'Cause it has nothing to do with Alice...
or the restaurant...
But Alice's Restaurant was the name of the song
written by Arlo Guthrie in 1967
and it went like this...
"You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
Walk right in it's behind the back
half mile up from the rail road track
and you can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant."

Now I wrote a play that included that song and Charlotte and The Waffle House
and it was called the Waffle House Index.
And it was one year ago
one year ago on Thanksgiving when my family and I
were heading up to the farm to go celebrate thanksgiving.
We listened to that song on the way up and passed by a waffle house
and I said "I should write a play about a waffle house."
Mom said "Kid, that is a dumb idea."
And we drove on.
Eventually we got to the farm settled in sat down
made a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat went to sleep
until we woke up a few minutes later and mom and I saw huge pile of garbage
so we needed to take it to the town dump
and we took  the half-a-ton of garbage, shovels and rakes and implements of destruction
and put them into the White Subaru Outback.
When we got to the town dump and we saw a chain with a sign on it that said "Closed on Thanksgiving."
Now we had actual heard about dumps being closed on Thanksgiving before
but we didn't think it was true so with tears in our eyes we drove off to find a new place to put the garbage.
Till we came to a side road
and off the side of the side road was a trailer park overlooking a lake.
And in that trailer park was dumpster and learning from what Arlo had taught us in the past we chucked the garbage into the dumpster.
We got back in the car drove away and we had heard sirens had turned on and before we knew it we we're being persued by the cops.
I wanna tell you about the town of Bryson Texas.
They have three police officers, one police car, one stop light and one post office
but when we we're being pursued there were five police cars, two motorcycles and a helicopter. This apparently being the biggest crime of the century.
Eventually we we're pulled over by officer Wilson.
Wilson said,"Kid, did you dump that garbage in the trailer park."
I said, "Well officer Wilson I cannot tell a lie, my mom put that garbage in the dumpster."
Officer Wilson was just making sure and friends he was and we had to pick up the garbage and move it some where else.
And we were fined fifty dollars and the end of all this I decided to include Alice's Resturaunt into my play the Waffle House Index but friends that's not what I came to tell you about.
I wanted to talk about the first production.

You see in down town Dallas there's a building on Flora street called Booker T. Washington High School. In order to get in you have to get inspected, detected, injected, neglected, and selected. And I had been in there for four years now and we decided to put on some plays at the end of the year my teacher said, "Kid, we're gonna put on some play." And I got to work and started inspectin', detectin', injectin', neglectin', and selectin' plays to be produced and wouldn't ya know it some how the Waffle House Index got in there and woudn't you know it somehow got produced.
I couldn't believe it myself, it was nothing short of miracle.
And so my friend picked up the script and got a cast together.
I gotta say she did a pretty good job, why I can almost recall the time when she said,
"Kids! THISSCRIPTISTWENTYONEPAGELONGONEIGHTNANDHALFBYELEVENPAPERANDSHALLBEREADINTHISVERYWAYANDIWILLLNORBAAAHDABFINEBAAHDILLAHAAAHAHHRAOOUGHTLEHFJSIR-"
Nobody knew a single word she was saying but they all had fun playing with the scripts and fighting with the pencils and doing the rehearsals until one day the performance came and we we're getting the space ready in the theater but when we walked in we found that where was photo equipment all over the place.
We found the photographer in there and said if they we're about to pack up and they told me, "Kid, what play is going on in here?"

...

And so I proceeded to tell him the story about my version of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre in five part harmony and all the bell and whistles when he said to me, "Now stop it hold it right there KID, did you ever get cleared with the school?"

...

And so I then proceeded to tell him about he story all the work going into the  inspectin', detectin', injectin', neglectin', and selectin' of all the plays. And the miracle of my play being produced and he said, "Kid I want you to talk to the theater head... RIGHT NOW, KID!

... ... ...

And I walked down there and it took a while because I got worried that the show couldn't go on...
I got over there and the arguments began and the head of the Theater Department said, "Kid, what if you just moved the stuff off stage."
And we hadn't thought of that.
And so we gently moved the equipment and adjusted some of the blocking and the show went one.
There were some audio errors but everything eventually the show wrapped up and I heard the last part of the show with the line,
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
And the crowd cheered and laughed.
Now you may no someone in a similar situation, or you might be in a similar situation yourself and if you are you got to remember that no matter how difficult or hard time we are in just sing yourself a bar of Alice's Restaurant and I guarantee you that you will cheer up at least a little bit.
And if two of you do it, in harmony... then you might be lovers or somethin' and that might mean your not alone.
And if three people do it, well then we've started an organization.
And if fifteen people do then my friends it is a movement.
The Alice's Restaurant Anti-Masacree Revival Movement! and all you got to do it is sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar!

With Feeling.

"You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
Walk right in it's behind the back
half mile up from the rail road track
and you can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant."

That was awful...

If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing with passion and feeling.

I mean I've been talking for ten minutes now.

I'm not proud...

Or tired.

So when it comes around again on the guitar.

We'll try it one more time.

With feeling.

"You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
(Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant.
Walk right in it's behind the back
half mile up from the rail road track
and you can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant."